Character:
Mayella Ewell
Dear Diary,
Dad hit me agin'. Said t'was not acting right at court. Atticus. Mr Finch. That bastard was pounding me with questions. I couldn't take it anymore. Daddy would kill me if i told the truth. Killed me once i stepped into our home. Sometimes, when 'm workin', i wonder. Is Daddy actually human? Or some satanic bein' that the devil sent to hurt people and chillun'. I don't know.
Tom was such a nice man. He was the only man who ever showed any sign of care to me. He said he "pitied me". Damn right he was. I bet that if i was him, i wouldn't feel any differen'. I don't get why Daddy had to implicate him. Nobody saw it. Nobody knew it. Tom didn't have to suffer for it.
How could a kiss be so evil. Mr. Finch put it too well. I tempted a nigger. You couldn't blame me. Tom was so.. helpful. Better than Daddy. All he'd do was come home drunk and start using us as punchin' bags. When i was younger, i hoped that some prince charmin' would come and haul me outta this hell. Tom brought some salvation. Nobody ever dared to speak to me. Tom did. If he knew what it would cost him, he would have never.
If i knew what it would cost him, i would have just ignored him. Why didn't i. Sometimes, when Daddy made me ran errands to town, i would envy all those chillun' who had friends to talk to. I didn't have a childhood. Not one of my brothers nor sisters had one.
Daddy is pushin' it. One day, i swear. When it's time, i shall deal some payback. When Daddy's older, i'll run away. To yonder. The world's so big. I'll run. I'll sprint. I'll jump. I don't care. I killed a man. If i had spoken out. If...i had the courage to not be a stinkin' coward. Tom would've never been labelled a guilty man. Daddy never told me what happened to him. He just disappeared. Just last night, when i stepped out for some fresh air, i saw Tom's wife.
Crying. Sobbing. Wallowing in her own tears. All i could do was sit on that half-rotten log and watch. I feel so guilty.
Save me,
Mayella Ewell
